Carolyn Palamas

For Valentine’s Day — 14 Star Trek TOS Romances; Both Awful and Wonderful.

/ Therese / 7 Comments

Star Trek could be awfully romantic at times. And although most of the love stories featured Kirk, there was an occasional nod to lesser character’s love life. In honor of Valentine’s Day, I present to you 14 relationships that warmed or chilled our hearts. Be sure to relate your faves in the comment section. Happy Valentines Day <3

Eve Huron and Ben Childress: Not the best love match. Why Eve stays with grumpy Childress is beyond me. She’s tough and has independence in her blood. She deserves better than a man who admired her only on face value and bitched about her cooking.
So let me get this straight–she knew and said outright that Ben was looking for a woman who was “selfish, vain, useless” yet since she ‘believed in herself’ she could look as beautiful on the outside without the Venus Drug? True love knows no ugliness. You’ll never convince me that in the whole universe there isn’t a better man for her than Childress! I’d like to think she ditched him after a year or so and started her own agricultural empire.
Khan and Marla McGivers: Alas, Marla is so enamored of this ‘superman’ from the past, she cannot see that he’s a total megalomaniac. Their first meeting in sickbay should have been a huge red flag as he totally disregards her professionalism, grabs her by the arm and plays with her hair. Sure, he might be a passionate lover, but playing passive-aggressive mind games with her later and forcing her to kneel before him and demanding her loyalty would make for a hellish, toxic marriage. If she accepted her court martial instead of exile with him, she very likely would have lived longer. And happier.
Spock, T’Pring, and Stonn: Marriage by decree and selective politics. Despite their great intelligence, Vulcans still would insist on antiquated arranged marriages for their progeny; giving no choice in their children’s lives as to who they might marry. It might be logical to help carry on the family line, but it is such an archaic and patrilineality system I doubt there would be any (secret) joy in it. I applaud T’Pring for listening to her heart, selfish as it was. I’m pretty sure Spock knew he didn’t want to marry T’Pring from the start, but came out of duty and the threat of death. As for T’Pring; Stonn wanted her, she wanted him.
Logical. Flawlessly Logical.
Kirok and Miramanee: Free of any Starfleet responsibilities, let alone his memories and actual name, Jim was free to have a truly loving and devoted marriage with Miramanee. Although she married him out of duty, you could see they were blissfully happy (despite Salish’s jealously). In the original script, Miramanee survived the stoning and gave birth.
I wish the the original script had held; imagine Kirk being a Daddy/Captain and running the Enterprise as well.
Zephram Cochran and The Companion: Zephram Cochran is initially appalled that the companion is a female and that he let her “…crawl around inside me, into my mind, my feelings? … It fed on me. It’s disgusting!” Yet once The Companion inhabits and revises the dying body of Nancy Hedford, suddenly he “knows that I love her”. As Spock states “The matter of gender could change the entire situation.” This brings to mind the idea of unconditional love. No doubt it is very romantic and satisfying that The Companion united with a lovely, yet lonely young woman who had ‘never had love’ and as both entities finds lasting love with Cochrane. I bet if Metamorphosis was written today, Hedford could have been a non-human or even a human male and I’d like to think the result would be the same. For as the Companion/Nancy said: To touch the hand of man; nothing is as important.“ <3
Nona and Tyree: What Nona wants, Nona gets. This Kanutu Woman had power and passion. Did Nona love Tyree? Certainly she was aroused by him, as she did put him under a spell to make him want her, and uses certain herbs from “The night of madness” to ‘keep him’. However she wasn’t loyal, toying with Kirk right under Tyree’s nose. Did Tyree really love Nona? His anguished cry and passion for vengeance at her murder answer that question.
Spock and Leila Kalomi: Darn fun while it lasted wasn’t it? A blast of pollen was worth it just to see Spock cavorting in the woods and swinging from a branch! Although all this lusty playfulness was brought out by the spores, you cannot deny that under all the stoicism, Spock’s human half is not only as playful and joyous as any child, but to his astonishment, devotedly in love. You can see that he truly loved her and was happy. I wonder what happened during the transfer of Sandoval’s people to Starbase 27? Did Leila and Spock have more conversations? Did they settle on a (perfectly logical) friends-with-benefits package? Did Nurse Chapel climb the walls? Which brings us to…
Christine Chapel and Dr. Roger Corby: Christine tends to fall for men who love their work more than her. Roger is a brilliant scientist, but one has to wonder if he really loved Christine so much, WHY didn’t he make an android that looked like HER instead of Andrea??? You could understand Chapel’s jealousy of the scantily-clad, submissive Andrea. Would the real Roger have expected Christine to be the same? Turns our Roger was an android replica too, so you dodged the bullet on that one, Christine!
Christine Chapel and Spock: Pity the heart of unrequited love. Roger Who? Well, once she got over her late fiancé she couldn’t help but notice that tall glass of Plomeek Tea that was Spock. McCoy chided her “You never give up hoping do you?” (Shame!) but I have no doubt her love for him was real. When forced to kiss him by the Platonians, she protested, but you know darn well she was delighted. She slobbers all over his hands in The Naked Time declaring her love, to which Spock sincerely replies “I’m sorry, I am sorry!” for even if he consented to loving Christine his heart may be elsewhere.
Carolyn Palamas and Apollo: Honestly, if you had the choice between and Engineer married to his work or a Gorgeous Greek God, well Carolyn initially is very cool toward Apollo, but he charms her into his arms. She is dazzled by his glory and falls for him, and they are one. hot. couple. But does he really love her? I’m on the fence, on one hand he truly seems devastated when his power is taken away, yet he is still another power-hungry dictator who actually rapes Carolyn (in the original script, Carolyn becomes pregnant). Carolyn, stick with Scotty.
Spock and Zarabeth: Another case of Spock forgetting who he was, and Zarabeth was all the luckier for it! True, Zarabeth set her cap for the handsome Vulcan within moments of seeing him, and she was a tad manipulative (stressing ‘alone’). Again, Spock is astonished that he feels attraction to this woman, and together they indulge in bliss. Saddest part is he couldn’t take Zarabeth with him, but he couldn’t deny he had regressive passion for her. I wonder how it could have evolved if Spock and McCoy stayed stranded? Would Spock have killed McCoy? How many children would have been born between the three of them?
Amanda and Sarek: Opposites attract! Well, you know darn well that Sarek’s beloved human wife Amanda was not chosen for him by his parents! Despite knowing that he’d most likely outlive her, Sarek followed his heart and married the loving, no-nonsense Amanda. She knew it wouldn’t be easy married into the Vulcan culture, but her heart ruled too for this most elegant and remarkable Vulcan. The were in for the long haul. And Sarek loved
Amanda so, his next wife was also a human. (I deny that Star Trek V and Sybok ever existed—it was just a fever dream of Kirk’s!)
Jim Kirk and Edith Keeler: I have no doubt that Edith and Miramanee were Jim Kirk’s dearest loves. Plenty of flirtations of course, but these two each took his heart. But his romance with Edith would be disastrous even if she lived. Since she died, time was restored to it’s proper place, but had she lived, Kirk, McCoy and likely Spock, would cease to exist in the first place. Could Kirk take her with him to the future? That would likely open a whole new can of Space/Time/Continuum worms. So Kirk was fated to only have Edith in his memories and dreams. But he’d never forget her.

Kirk and Spock: Okay, I know. Diehards would say that Kirk and Spock were the best of friends, like brothers. A true Bromance. (And I agree) But considering how the original fanzines of the 1970s pretty much invented “Slash” and “Spirk” this ‘relationship’ has been a fan-fic trope ever since. Check out any of the Star Trek fan art on DeviantArt.com and you’ll find half of it devoted to these ‘space husbands’. And you must admit there are times in TOS one can see Kirk gazing at Spock in pure awe, if not affection! A while back, Shatner was asked by a fan who was Kirk’s greatest romantic conquest? “SPOCK!” Shatner joked. Now, the theory goes that Kirk is Bisexual while Spock is Gay (i.e. Spock: “Jim, when I feel affection for you, I’m ashamed!”) I say that I have no doubt that Kirk and Spock are loving brothers. But I say that while since Jim with his rampant hormones could possibly be Bi, Spock is merely Logical.
Happy Valentine’s Day Everyone! <3

Star Trek’s ‘Navel Battle’ with NBC – Who Won the Battle of the Bellybutton?

/ Therese / 4 Comments

UPDATE! (7-4-2021) I found another one! In The Omega Glory, the Kohm servant has a naked navel, but the moment is so quick, you may not have noticed! Sneaky!

In crazy times like these, perhaps we should contemplate our navels; or at least the ones on TOS.

As someone who loves costume design,  I’ve always been curious as to the battles that costume designers face, be it making the costumes under budget and on time, to keeping within any restrictions given by the studio or network.

When the Original Series aired from 1966-69 on NBC, the network’s Standards and Practices (S&P) team were recruited to assure that rules were being followed to avoid censorship.  For some reason, a woman’s navel was considered too sexy for family time, which is why Barbara Eden’s costume on NBC’s I Dream of Jeannie kept the waist of her harem pants high.

So how did William Ware (Bill) Theiss, master of the costume universe,  keep to this rule?  Well, he didn’t; just enough that the S&P didn’t notice!  Bill figured no one would care about navels in the future, and slipped in the scary umbilicus whenever he could.  But who won the battle of censorship?  Let’s keep score – TOS vs. S&P: (and my scoring system is total nonsense!) 

Exhibit A: The Cage.  Theiss designed the iconic costumes from The Cage (1964) onward. And in The Cage, everyone knew Vina as the green Orion in a shiny reptile skin, with no navel exposure but lots of cut-outs.  HOWEVER,  there were also servers and other dancers in the background in harem-ish costumes with exposed navels:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SCORE:    TOS – 1    S&P – 0

Exhibit B: The Corbomite Maneuver & Charlie X  The network had no trouble with the good Captain exposing his navel, and practically welcomed it. Probably to present Kirk as the macho alpha male.  Both sides win.  Look at that nice flat tummy. Put a pin in these pictures for now.

SCORE:    TOS – 2    S&P – 1

Exhibit C: Mudd’s Women. 

Although Harry Mudd’s ‘escorts’ were quite stylish, none had exposed navels (although there were hip, thigh and cleavage slashes).   

SCORE:  TOS – 2    S&P – 2  

Exhibit D: The Naked Time. 

The S&P need not worry at the episode’s title, as Sulu (George Takei)  was the only one who was half naked, but even his navel was covered with a high modest waistband!

SCORE:  TOS – 2    S&P – 3

Exhibit D: What Are Little Girls Made Of.

 

Andrea the Android (Sherry Jackson) exposed plenty with her X-shaped jumpsuit bodice, but not her navel!  Theiss gets a half point for it’s daring.

SCORE:  TOS – 2.5    S&P – 4

Exhibit E:  Shore Leave

 

McCoy’s Showgirls may have worn fluorescent Tribbles for brassieres, but their dangerously inappropriate navels are plugged up with teeny tiny Tribbles; making them safe for democracy. Half point for cleverness.

SCORE:  TOS – 3   S&P – 4.5

Exhibit F: A Taste of Armageddon

Mea 3 (Barbara Babcock) and the women of Eminiar VII exposed their flanks in fancy togas,  but not their navels!

SCORE:  TOS – 3   S&P – 5.5

Exhibit G: Catspaw

 

 

 

 

 

 

In Sylvia’s (Antoinette Bower) little fashion show for Kirk, she exposes her rib cage, but no navel! 1/2 point for daring.

SCORE:  TOS – 3.5  S&P – 6.5

Exhibit H:  Who Mourns for Adonais?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Who could forget Carolyn Palamas’ iconic candy pink toga?  It exposed Leslie Parrish’s entire back, right arm, some leg and a considerable amount of torso and hip, but no navel.  There are two conflicting stories about this stunning creation. Theiss stated in The Making of Star Trek , the costume held in place without any need for anchoring tape, while later I read that Ms. Parish did have to be taped in to avoid censorship.  I’m still giving this one a full point for just being beautifully designed and engineered! They each get a half point because I want to round up the score!

SCORE: TOS -5  S&P- 7

Exhibit I: Wolf in the Fold

 

 

 

 

 

There was a big trend in 1960s movies and TV for belly dancers and harems (maybe inspired by I Dream of Jeannie?).  Trek was no exception.  The first person we see in Wold in the Fold is Kara (Tanya Lemani) in her magnificent belly dancer garb, complete with plastic used-car-lot fringe!   Beautiful! But she dare not show her navel so a little pink flower was plunked in there! Must be a good adhesive because despite Kara’s shimmy, it never falls out!  Btw, Tanya is one of my Facebook pals, and Tanya, if you’re reading this,  <3 Hi! <3  Tanya is still dancing these days and she rocks! Love ya, girl!  TOS gets a half star for daring.

SCORE:  TOS – 5.5  S&P – 8

Exhibit J: The Apple Well, the S&P must have had that week off, because all the natives of Gamma Trianguli VI had nekkid navels!  Three points for Bill Theiss getting away with it!  TOS inches into the lead!

SCORE:  TOS – 8.5   S&P – 8

Exhibit K:  Mirror, Mirror   With this blatant display of the alternate universe female uniform, it is said that the crew lured the S&P member off the set with a big lunch to film Uhura’s bridge scene! But how did he not notice Marlena? By now it was 1967, maybe the Summer of Love got the censors less uptight! (Now if only Spock was allowed to wear his tunic open!).  Two points for each actress getting away with it!

SCORE:  TOS – 10.5   S&P – 8   

Exhibit L: I, Mudd  For heaven’s sake! Even Norman had a navel! (maybe a charger port…or three?) But the Alices and all the other female android series kept theirs hidden! 1 for S&P!

SCORE:  TOS – 10.5   S&P – 9

Exhibit : Bread and Circuses The network never seemed to complain of exposed hip bones on minor characters like Drusilla here, but no navel.  Clever (and a bit creepy) credit for use of chain as an accessory here, 1/2 point to TOS for originality, 1 Point for S&P.

SCORE:  TOS – 11   S&P – 10

Exhibit M: A Private Little War Nona (Nancy Kovak) may have been a Kanutu Woman, but she was also a perfect precursor to 60’s hippie girls!    Between her low slung leather bell bottoms (with the emphasis on bell) and her macrame necklace she was ahead of the Woodstock generation by 2 years!  Of course, California is usually ahead of the curve fashion-wise from the rest of the country, so Theiss was probably surrounded by this in LA.  Even so, she’s proud of her navel and you better not cross her S&P, she’s armed!  1 point for TOS!

SCORE:  TOS – 12  S&P – 9

Exhibit N – The Gamesters of Triskellion

Everyone remembers Shahna (Angelique Pettyjohn) for her aluminum bikini, but despite it’s boldness and its possibility as a popcorn popper, it still modestly hides her navel.  And that bikini is also a marvel of engineering.  Whereas all the other drill thralls (and the Enterprise crew) wore their harnesses on the outside, Shannah’s harness is incorporated into her bikini; which means she can’t wear one without the other. Well, at least she could tuck her matching gloves into it when she wasn’t using them.  Half point to TOS for its skimpiest costume yet, but a full point to S&P.

SCORE:  TOS – 12.5  S&P – 10          

   Exhibit O – Patterns of Force

Well well,  two navels appear here, although the Captain’s we’ve seen before, (see above), blessedly, this will be the last time we see Kirk’s navel for the rest of the series.*   The good Captain is not quite as fit as he was in Season 1, but then, ANYONE would look a bit doughy next to Spock’s remarkably lean frame. TOS gets a 1/2 point for finally letting Spock lose his shirt.                                                   *and YES, I know that Kirk was stripped to the waist in The Empath, but we only see his front from the pectorals up!)

SCORE:  TOS – 13  S&P – 10    

Exhibit P – The Omega Glory and The Savage Curtain    Did you ever notice that Sirah of Omega Glory and Zora of  Savage Curtain both wore the same tattered two-piece? Zora added a fur piece, but there was no denying that Theiss had cleverly covered their navels (just barely) with a convenient flap?  Of course in battle scenes, the flap would flip up, but censors didn’t catch it! One point for TOS recycling!

SCORE:  TOS – 14  S&P – 10

Exhibit Q: Assignment: Earth   We only see her for a second, but when Isis (April Tatro) is revealed as a woman, she’s breaking the rules, as any good cat would.  1 point for TOS sneaking it in!

SCORE:  TOS – 15  S&P – 10

Exhibit R:  Elaan of Troyus               The warrior Elaan got to wear 4 different gorgeous costumes while on the Enterprise, all stunning and suggestive, but none with the dreaded navel. Her silver appliques here blot it out.   S&P gets 4 points for still getting their way with 4 different costumes!

SCORE:  TOS – 15  S&P – 14

Exhibit S:  That Which Survives   Losira (Lee Meriwether) might have been for Mr. D’Amato, but her pants were purely for modesty.  High-waisted with a ridiculous anti-navel flap, the S&P had won again! And we’re tied.

TOS – 15  S&P  15

Exhibit T – For the World is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky.

For the leader of a civilization, it’s a shame Natira had only one glorious gown (maybe Elaan used up all the budget!) But despite her prestigious title, she was beholden to the network S&P, with her navel wrapped up like a very fancy mummy. Still quite gorgeous.  Kudos and a point to Theiss for continuing to work with metallic fabrics (which he loathed!) and a point to S&P for winning again! Like Natira’s gown, we’re still tied up!

 

TOS – 16  S&P  16

Exhibit U:  The Cloud Minders   I think by this time in Season Three, Theiss was getting pretty sick of navel restrictions.  By the time they filmed The Cloud Minders, the 74th episode of the last season, I don’t think S&P were too vigilant anymore.  Hence, Theiss let ’em have it with two prominent displays here.  2 points for TOS!  Someday I want a tummy like Vanna again – (Droxine, please eat something!) <3

TOS – 18   S&P  16

Exhibit V: The Way to Eden

Gotta let Hippes be Hippies.  Yeah, the episode was dated, but Irina’s gown was impeccable!  With a lonely little navel in the flower patch, it’s Hippie chic! One  point for TOS.

TOS – 19  S&P  16

Exhibit W: All Our Yesterdays   Zarabeth’s covering is little more than rags tied around her body, but she still keeps her navel modestly covered. Kudos for remaining remarkably clean in a damp cave!  Theiss gets a full point for leading the way in TV costume, S&P get’s a  point for still getting their way.

Final Score TOS – 20  S&P  17

The Navel Battle was Won by Star Trek!

‘Star Trek Continues’ – Boldly Going Into TOS Trekkie Fantasies

/ Therese / 23 Comments

I think I’ve found Trekkie Heaven…

startrekcontinues-cast

Look Familiar? The Cast of Star Trek Continues: Back Row, Christopher Doohan as Scotty, as Wyatt Lanhart as Chekov, Kim Stinger as Uhura, Grant Imahara as Sulu. Front Row, Chuck Huber as Dr. McCoy, Vic Mignogna as Kirk, as Todd Haberkorn as Spock.

bridgecrew

The Star Trek Continues publicity still mimics this original right down to Kirk’s posture and smirk! All that’s missing is Nurse Chapel!

(NOTE: Before I go on, I must mention that there have been other original Star Trek Web-Series, the most popular among them is Star Trek New Voyages Phase II  which also looks quite wonderful, but I haven’t seen it yet so I’ll just review this for now).

At the urging of a particular Scrapper here, (Hi Laughing Man) I finally got around to watching fan-created series Star Trek Continues. At first I was skeptical, but it turns out to be a fun and totally loving effort by actor/ creator/producer Vic Mignogna that answers the question “How would it be if we got those last two seasons we hoped for?”  So far, Star Trek Continues delivers.

Watching this, I really felt transported back to 1969,  as the entire look of the show is a meticulous, delicious, and unapologetic recreation of the beloved original series.  Everything from the sets, lighting, costumes, simple effects and music speak volumes of the love its creators have for the original series, who leave no phaser or pointed ear unturned. (McCoy even wears a pinkie ring!)  It’s as if the original sets were never dismantled and the show never canceled (Let’s hope it never enters the awful, bland, 70’s polyester phase!)       I am especially impressed with the pastel lighting that was an earmark of TOS. There are no irritating light flares here, just the soft, inviting glow that gave the original its coziness.

So far there have been three vignettes and two full episodes of Star Trek Continues.  The first vignette form is an extended ending to Turnabout Intruder , which nicely flirts with the viewers as it set them up for the continuing voyages of the of the Enterprise. The other two vignettes are You’ve got the Conn, and Happy Birthday Scotty, which both give the secondary characters a little more (and much deserved) air time.  Here’s the three vignettes:

But on to the meat and potatoes of full episodes.  Pilgrim of Eternity  brings back Apollo from Who Mourns for Adonais?  Two years after the Pollux IV adventure, Apollo is rescued by The Enterprise and has shockingly ‘aged’ a good 40 years! Fortunately Michael Forest, the original Apollo, is back and what a pleasure to see him as a sadder and wiser god.  He renews his character as both sympathetic and scary, and it’s a welcome return.   I admit, (spoiler!) I was a little disappointed to hear of Carolyn Palamas’ fate, but I suppose Leslie Parrish wasn’t available!  Be sure to watch for an epilogue after the credits.

The second  episode, Lolani is a tale of slavery and murder in the eyes of a captured Orion.  The whole essence of this episodes fits nicely into the Trek mode of morality tales disguised as science fiction, and its attitude toward the rights of women approaches a level of compassion that was only touched on in the original series.  Very well written and thoughtful. (I got a little verklempt!)

Indeed, women are coming forward in this version more than they ever had in the original series. There is a new character here to equal out the estrogen;  Dr. Elise McKenna (Michele Specht), who is apparently the first counselor aboard the Enterprise.    This new-found feminism doesn’t mean that Kirk has lost his swagger or magnetism; there is obvious sexual tension between Kirk and Dr. McKenna, but he’s appreciative of her work and intelligence. I truly hope that we will also see Nurse Chapel and Yeoman Rand in future episodes, maybe a few of the other female crew that were sprinkled among the original series, like Dr. Ann Mulhall and Lt. Charlene Masters.

Along with Michael Forest reprising Apollo, Continues has achieved some clever stunt casting of  several other familiar actors in the sci-fi universe.  Erin Gray (of Buck Rogers) as an Admiral and an appropriately green-skinned Lou Ferrigno of  The Incredible Hulk fame as Orion slave trader!

The main cast could melt a Klingon heart. Dashing Vic Mignogna embodies Captain Kirk with his own impressions as well as dead-on Shatner-isms. (Without too much ham), Todd Haberkorn inhabits Spock with cool detachment but a curious soul, with an inkling of humanity just under the surface.  Dr. McCoy is played by two actors; Chuck Huber in the three shorts and Larry Nemecek in the first two webisodes. (Huber will return with the third episode that will be out soon). Huber’s character should be called Dr. Dishy! (*sigh*) and Nemecek has mastered McCoy’s upside-down smile. Both have captured McCoy’s grump without dismissing his southern charm.  It’s a special joy to see how Christopher Doohan, son of  James, beautifully fills his Dad’s boots with all the pride of the original. Wyatt Lenhart gives Mr.  Chekov his boyish Russian charm. Kim Stinger imbues Uhura with compassion as well as  a great kick-ass attitude.  Finally as I was watching the first episode, I kept thinking “Why is Mr. Sulu so familiar? Turns out Sulu is played by Grant Imahara of Mythbusters fame! Is this Geek heaven or what?!  Maybe Sulu should blow something up…   All in all, a nice cast. Still in the bud of their characterizations, but I’m sure they’ll gel quite nicely. They already carry the hearts of the characters in their portrayals. I wish them well.

The J.J. Abrams Trek franchise could learn a bit from this fan series, especially in terms of plot. Star Trek Continues understands that it’s not about the action or special effects, but about the dilemmas of the human condition. And it’s nice to see familiar characters in their off times (as in the short You Have the Conn).

My only petty complaints are cosmetic ones;

  • Dr. McKenna’s hair! It’s lovely, (She’s definitely the Joan Holloway of this reboot), but distracts from the character.  Her lush red waves tumble down over her front but it just seems a bit too long and/or  loose for practical duty.  I bet she could have a fantastic up-do like Marla McGivers, or even just in a ponytail.
  •  Spock’s shirt needs a little taking in!

All in all, I am completely enjoying this fan reboot.   This old Trekkie feels right at home here; I want to walk on this set, I want to sit in the captain’s chair,I want to hug Spock! Heck, if they want an eager extra, I’d be on the first plane! (I already have the uniform,  and I can also be T’Pau if they need her).   😉   Be sure to check this out.  The next new episode, Fairest of them All, will premiere on this Sunday June 15, and will feature a return to the mirror universe (YES!)  I look forward to new adventures.  Congratulations and good luck to Mignogna and Company for making my TOS dreams come true!

You can find all you need to know about Star Trek Continues here:

Stay Tuned! (Squeals with excitement)

fairest of them all